Welcome to the first installment of an ongoing piece called "Ways to Look Like an Idiot." These are in no particular order and will appear as we, at TWTSB, see fit.
Our first topic of discussion? Aluminum bottles. STOP USING THEM. I'm talking about these fine containers:
Ladies? You look trashy when you're walking around in your cutoff jean shorts and low tank tops, singing Pour Some fucking Sugar On Me at karaoke night with one (or two) of these babies in your hands. Because nothing says "I'm classy," like a cheap aluminum bottle-shaped can.
Gentlemen? If any of you ever think that approaching me while harboring one of these is a good idea, you would be best to think twice. As a matter of fact, I don't think any self-respecting person (let alone one you want to take home and fuck without getting any kind of disease) would allow themselves to be seen associating with someone who's got one of these in their hands. No, I do not want to go home with you; certainly not with that shit eating grin you've got on your face. I'm surprised your neck can even support your head with all that disgusting fucking hair gel that's keeping you looking suave on this fantastic Thursday night.
So why are people drinking out of these? What's wrong with a regular can? Or - god forbid - a glass bottle? OR HOW ABOUT YOU DRINK SOMETHING THAT'S ON TAP?! When I look around the bar and see these things I can only think about the people holding them. There are cargo shorts, sandals and button-up short sleeved shirts on stout dude-bros on the other end of those arms. You disgust me.
Stop drinking out of these things. For Christ's sake, at least pour it into a glass if you insist on drinking these beers. What's wrong with you? You look like an idiot.
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