Four Loko versus the Operator Error

By Erica Clayton

I'm not so sure about what's going on everywhere else in the world when it comes to Four Loko, but in the Northeast, there's a big old controversy over whether Four Loko - and other caffeinated-alcoholic beverages like Joose, should be banned from the market. The rationale for banning these drinks is based heavily in the combination; that these drinks offer a dangerous combination of drugs that causes people to forget that they're drinking so much because the effects of the caffeine override those of the alcohol (ie: you drink 4L and don't realize how drunk you are because the caffeine is masking the effects of the alcohol) so you can stay up later and drink longer.

The deaths of several young people have been blamed on 4L, including one young man who drank 4L and then shot himself in the head. His parents claim that he had never been suicidal before and that 4L was to blame (keep in mind that he had at least four of these suckers). Other reports of young people going to the hospital after having several 4Ls have surfaced. Cases where kids are transported with heart trouble, lung trouble, alcohol poisoning and other conditions (including death) are frequent as the FDA discusses whether or not to allow caffeine/alcohol drinks to enter the market at all.

Well, here at TWTSB we are absolutely outraged, and that the FDA has some nerve to remove a product that we are capable of enjoying responsibly without dying. In fact, I attended No Idea Records' annual FEST in Gainesville, FL a few weeks ago and drank 4L all weekend without even a thought that I might be in trouble or that I might get sick? You know why? BECAUSE I AM NOT STUPID.

Let's take a look at the 4L stats, shall we? Four Loko is:

-6-12% alcohol, depending on state regulations (I drink 12% here in NY/CT)

- in a 21.5 ounce can (that's the same size as those $.99 Arizona tea cans)

-available in 8 tasty, tasty flavors (blue raspberry is my favorite, orange is good too)

-caffeine, and a whole bunch of it

-[was] available at most gas stations and liquor stores for a really cheap price (I didn't pay more than $2.50 a can)

Oh, and where is all listed? ON THE FUCKING CAN, YOU ASSHOLES. 4L didn't kill your kids, your kids killed your kids. If college campuses want to ban 4L, fine, that's no problem. If some stores want to stop selling it, also fine. But to completely take this awesome drink off the market because some college kids thought it would be awesome to drink 6 cans in 4 hours, even though the ingredients are listed RIGHT THERE ON THE CAN, plain as day, is absolutely absurd.

Let's think of other "dangerous" things that are "killing people" (because there's no user error in drinking yourself to death, duh)...

-Cigarettes

-Texting and Driving

-Dumb people being dumb

-Grain alcohol/Jungle Juice (if we're going for the alcohol thing, but I personally really like JJ)

-Guns

-Bees

-Peanut allergies

-Crack Cocaine

-Bears

And not to mention other alcohol/caffeine combos like rum & cokes, redbull and vodka, jaeger bombs, etc., I could go on, really, but by now hopefully you've gotten the point. If you haven't gotten the point, here it is: It's not 4L's fault you're dying, it's your own fault for not reading the can/drinking so much/playing Loko Hands/whatever you're doing to get so much of this stuff in your body. I'm glad to see the FDA can get something awesome like 4L banned but not something like cigarettes (just so we're clear, I do NOT think any of this listed items should be banned. Especially not bees because they make sweet, sweet honey).

I should not be prevented from enjoying 4L responsibly just because some dumb kids can't. I'm sorry that so many people are being hurt by these drinks, however you truly cannot blame the drink, only the person who drinks it. Nobody is forcing 4L down anyone else's throat (not that I've seen anyway, and anyone who IS doing that should STOP).

I though this was AMERICA! Land of the free! Free to drink Four Loko at my own risk! Just like I'm free to own a gun and drive a car and vote - barring any federal offenses and jailtime - I should be free to put Four Loko in my guts and revel in the drunken and alert mess that occurs. You cannot regulate common sense.

Companies that create energy/alcohol combination drinks have been served by the FDA and have been given two weeks to appeal, in writing, with the changes being made in their products. Phusion Projects (the makers of 4L) and Joose have agreed to alter their recipes under threat of product seizure. Their compliance with the FDA shows they're willing to do whatever they need to in order to stay afloat, but I just want everyone to know that I think this is a WHACK ATTACK.